Have you ever heard the phrase “Cheaters never prosper”? I heard it about a dozen times or so growing up. I genuinely believed that doing things the right way and for the right reasons will always yield favorable results. Thats why when the internet erupted in a frenzy after Jayda Cheaves, long time girlfriend and mother of Lil Baby’s Baby boy LA tweeted this:
I was morally conflicted. Now in her defense, prior to this there were a few tweets exchanged between her and one of her followers. The follower basically stated that she was okay with him cheating because he was Lil Baby. It definitely reminded me of the phrase when Future stated ” you gone cry in this Phantom or Nissan”? What are my options if I don’t want to cry at all though, is happily ever after still a thing?
So before I dive in to this topic let me say that I am in no way a therapist or intend on diagnosing, or shaming anyone through this ordeal. Just want to give a little unwarranted advice and possible unpopular opinion on the matter.
First, I would like to start by saying “All men DO NOT cheat”! Lets stop generalizing things and keep it on a case by case basis. What you may consider cheating someone else may not. Are we considering cheating on a physical level only or is it emotional as well? There are just too many variables to make such a general statement about an entire gender!
Now that we have that out of the way lets get into the aftermath of actual cheating which consist of understanding your tolerance level, forgiveness, and change…
We are all built differently. What I am able to tolerate may be more than you can bear— and thats okay. It doesn’t make you less than, or make me better than you. Lets stop trying to compare and keep track of past (or current) transgressions and get to a place of comfort. Living in your true space where you are not compromising your self worth for the satisfaction of others. How do you feel about the situation that you are in? Are you generally happy or is your happiness solely dependent on your spouse and what they provide?
We all make mistakes and hopefully we learn from them. Who gets to decide when you forgive or when you walk away? YOU DO! Not your spouse, not your friends, and definitely not social media. We all heal in our own time and it is unfair to rush the process for someone else. Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness, but one of growth. It isn’t saying what you did was okay, but more so of acknowledging what happened and choosing to move past it while simultaneously healing.
Whether you did the cheating or you were the one that was cheated on, changed behavior can be a game changer. For the cheater, it is the best way to show appreciation for forgiveness. For the one one that was cheated on, the change will be in the level of trust (or lack thereof) you now have in your spouse. Without finding healthy ways to deal with this new change it can become a breeding ground for insecurities, stress, and depression. Based on the scenario, communication can be considered as a remedy. Its either time to burst open those doors of communication or cease all communication effective immediately!
Every relationship has its ups and downs. I just really despise the struggle love narrative. You know the part where they lead you to believe you have to go through hell just to possibly, maybe, one day be loved the way that you’re supposed too? I’m just here to tell you that there really is someone out there ready to love you that way from day one. All of these years later and I still believe in doing things the right way, its just now I also understand that sometimes those favorable results aren’t instant. So even though it seems like the “cheaters” are winning… thats just one battle… the war is endless 🙂